Bidaai was a very alien concept to me as was marriage.The concept of marriage still got clearer when i met ashu, i knew i would love to spend my life with him.The concept of Bidaai was and is still strange, post marriage also i tried not to relive/rethink of the expierence and i cleverly deleted it physically (pics,videos,saree)from whereever i could possible do it. But it remained imbibed in my memory so strongly that it hits back at me whenever it can.
At a recent visit to my cousin's shaadi, the memories came back again and scared me again!
Bidaai means that you are no longer a part of the family you were born to, from now on you are free to use your husband's name, you will no longer have a space in the house where you have spent ages, you suddenly become a integral part of your husband's family and you have a set of parents there who you have to respect & love as parents without expecting them to reciprocate or without you having a right on them as you would have on your own parents. Is it a process of disowning daughter...changing the priorities for her and for the family. For the girl suddenly husband and his family is the priority!
Am sure it is difficult on parents as it is on the girl.For parents, their kid is everything, since the time the kid comes to the world their lives have revolved around the baby and suddenly they realise that no longer will the girl who was the centre of their life should be anymore be there for them!!
Strange are the ways of life!
8 comments:
i may do a post on this... gurl.. will link u up when i do...
Sure! let me know
Lovely post ! Heartfelt!
Thank You Swati.
posted... linked ya... pliss to read and lemme know... online or on blog.. :)
me no likey this pic up there... where's ur blog-name?
Came here from Ray-Ray's .
An anecdote: Weeks/months before the sis's wedding my dad cribbed a lot..abt how much hez gonna miss her n abt how far away she'll be..[the move was frm Blr to delhi]..He even cried. My mom is generally the strong one..n she didnt whine or cry.
At the wedding..during this particular cermony my mom started crying..unconsolably...i asked her wat hppnd n gave her a hug..she said "We are doing kanya-daan..i'm giving away my daughter"...n she wept a lot..hell lot!
The same thing happnd at my wedding too...its there to see in the videos n pics!
I HATE the custom. it makes no sense to me! i don't want to blv that a custom which requires my parents to daanofy me...will have any element of logic to it!
I would like to add my comments from the prospective of "Father of the bride" (which hopefully i will be in a distant future).
This is my wish list.... i hope i will be able to impress upon my daughter that what is happening is nothing but change of geography, and increase in assets (two homes instead of one). Secondly that she now has independent charge of a new home and family and finally that she is no object that i am giving up. There is no 'daan'that is happening from my side and that she is as much responsible for me as I am for her.
I hope i succeed
@ sunbird: u're a model father... and i know ur daughter. u WILL succeed! :)
i TOTALLY agree with you here... that is what my dad had managed to impress upon me. the only day he differed was when he warned vin that this was a "no-return, no exchange" deal... but that was justified (knowing that it was ME!)
but somehow, somewhere... it still doesn't feel fair.the feeling is worse when u're JUST married... now, we're all on the same page.... :)
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